[Welcome to the World of Blogging]

I guess it is a good time in life to delve into this world of blogging... what better than the time my mind wonders the most... what better than the time I feel I need to wipe away the face of confidence and 'i am ok and well', to simply let my 'formation of mental objects' become that of verbal...communicable existence...

To share with you...the world...what I once thought...was mere brainwork to be kept to myself...
To allow that co-existence of thought...feelings...words and actions...so they can meet in this interaction that is a tiny opening into the world that is me... something people tell me is so hard to truly see...

You see... I have learnt that I have this fierce confidence about me...whereby I can convince those around me that life is as best as it can be... that I am exactly where I want to be...that I know everything before me... in front of me...and in the world to come... I have this amazing (lol) ability to somehow pretend I know what the heck I am saying...doing... and that I am 'all good'...and I have always questioned why... why..when inside I feel the total opposite (how cliche LOL)...

I hit this big wall about 2 months ago...when I looked at life and thought... (excuse the terminology but) WTF !!! ... how can I have the best in the world of netball...the best in the world of work... the enjoyment and freeedom of still being a student...a concession... a wonderful family that is ever so supportive...loving and caring from all distances... and the blessing from a 2nd family who taught me the ways of life... and yet... in the darkest midst of the reality that is me... I was a foot away from depression...

and I look into what you call my past...my history.... and if there is one thing out of everything I must say you (you know who you are) were right about... I have had this empty hole for a long long time...I have battled the same questions...the same dilemmas...the same ol same ol... for years...

After reading 'Have a Little Faith' by Mitch Albom in half a day...I can finaly verbalise those thoughts...those feelings...everything (well most things) that float around in this strange strange mind of mine...

I have learnt....

1. Pain is an experience some endure more than others...so as to keep those that you love from bearing such pain
2. Love is a joy to experience...and something that provides through thick and thin...it involves the chance to argue...yell...say things you truly don't mean...and still be able to have the commonplace of knowing... knowing that unconditionally...they will always be there
3. People are not taken away from the world because some bigger being decides they are not worthy of a life... but simpy their time in your life to create opportunities and interations...tears...laughter and memories is up... because they have come to offer what they can....and it's time to share that with the next person
4. Religion is a mere interpretation... people's way of understanding...and it's ok to have different interpretations... it is ok to learn about new and different interpretations...but it is also ok to follow just one... the one that makes the most sense for you...provides for you....and does what religion is meant to do... give you that bridge between what is known to man...what is fact....and all those questions we all try to answer...even centuries of life...
5. the past should not dictate ones future...ones worthiness...because the past is a portrait of where they have been...not where they are going...the history of a person can be interpreted in many different ways... who then has the right to judge one on their past....

And something that Criminal Minds taught me many episodes ago...and something that I will never forget...and something I find a new aspect in life to apply it to EVERY TIME i see it...read it...hear it...think about it...am reminded about it....so I end this blog with it... as it is a quote I will forever live by.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy